Either suggest an open relationship or break up. We fought about it then and he made me feel so bad for bringing up his ED that I feel like this was a turning point for me. Have a plan to determine the best time and place to engage in a heart-to-heart conversation with your partner. Rejection breeds a bounce back of disinterest in one rejected. At 56, I'm actually in the best shape of my life. He will want to have a good sex life with some one-even if you decide not to stick around. but he literally cannot keep hard. I used to have a very high sex drive but I’ve now completely lost it, in its entirety. That's definitely one of my worries... That it's just for me that my boyfriend's dick doesn't work. ._2JU2WQDzn5pAlpxqChbxr7{height:16px;margin-right:8px;width:16px}._3E45je-29yDjfFqFcLCXyH{margin-top:16px}._13YtS_rCnVZG1ns2xaCalg{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:18px;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex}._1m5fPZN4q3vKVg9SgU43u2{margin-top:12px}._17A-IdW3j1_fI_pN-8tMV-{display:inline-block;margin-bottom:8px;margin-right:5px}._5MIPBF8A9vXwwXFumpGqY{border-radius:20px;font-size:12px;font-weight:500;letter-spacing:0;line-height:16px;padding:3px 10px;text-transform:none}._5MIPBF8A9vXwwXFumpGqY:focus{outline:unset} Last year his libido dropped, to the point that we didn’t have sex for months and months - even on an exotic vacation. and its getting harder and harder to keep turning men away because im just not getting what i need at home. it’s well known to my 2 bsfs that i’m sick and purge a lot. I hope he will go see his doctor. You will find frank discussion of supportive needs-driven methods, assertive seduction-based methods, and infidelity. I ended up bursting into tears in a hotel because I felt so ugly that he didn’t want to sleep with me. You both are hurting each other unintentionally and both want the same things. Talk it out with a therapist. After that, I feel like I completely shut down. He can do this online from his own privacy because he seems shy. Well you adding your ages might help readers understand the context better. BF needs to see a doctor to further diagnose. You mean she wasn't into sex and then it was fixed with the breakup? Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Sometimes people cannot sustain an erection for an extended period. Alone or with him. The ‘other stuff’ wasn’t doing it for me anymore and actually made me feel worse. Birth control and antidepressants can have a negative impact on sex drive. somewhereintheusa. Most Helpful Guys. Cheating is never acceptable. we've tried toys, different positions etc. Straight Guy Realises Best Friend Is Actually His Boyfriend In Adorable Reddit Post Publish Date Tuesday, 5 July 2016, 8:18AM Photo: iStock. I really resent being blamed for something that's clearly out of my control, thanks. i thought my bf would know by now too. Waisting your time is not good . Erectile dysfunction can take a toll on a relationship. I don’t remember when the issue with sex between us started. You’ll want to support and encourage your partner as they manage their condition. Maybe you two can arrange a sexual partner? I have been the HL who has slaved and worked my ass off for my partner with zero back. You’ve been cruel and frankly he deserves better. its important to state that our relationship is really, really solid and good. If not, don't be selfish. You have asked him “countless times” to basically be a different person sexually. In my past relationships, my sex drive had vastly diminished due to all the porn I was watching at home alone. Some men that refuse to even finger women and care nothing about her experience tend to be very porn-saturated....are you sure he’s not a porn addict? Whatever gets you through. Not. I dont want sex from him because i am lonely within my relationship - I work on that piece constantly. How do I get it back? ive never felt a pain like this. He never seemed to understand why I wasn't horny after picking up his dirty socks and throwing out the wrappers he left laying around everywhere." If this is a big enough issue, either ask him for a sexually open relationship, or leave him. We use cookies on our websites for a number of purposes, including analytics and performance, functionality and advertising. Everything else about our relationship is amazing and I love him so much. I'm assuming he knows that you're not getting your needs met? If you're need aren't being met then you need to break up with him. I feel like I the only way he will take me seriously is if I upset him by getting myself a dildo. No it is not okay. There is nothing to do, you should start to go for dating to fell attractive and feel how man wants you . One my girlfriend had the same problem, fixed with the break up. Thanks so much for this well thought out reply! I wish I had advice. ._3gbb_EMFXxTYrxDZ2kusIp{margin-bottom:24px;text-transform:uppercase;width:100%}._3gbb_EMFXxTYrxDZ2kusIp:last-child{margin-bottom:10px} Your boyfriend needs a more flexible and understanding partner. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I am the first woman he's been with since his divorce. It's never ok to cheat. By Gigi Engle. I had been fighting to have proper sex for 3 years and I felt so frustrated that I think something inside me just gave up. He might be into that, who knows. Like if he’s 50+ then yea I’d be more understanding that he has ED. Fair enough, but how do I talk to him about this in a way he can understand? Both work it's just about what way you prefer to go. You've been doing that for him for years. That's why he is still trying and not giving up on you. typical its not you its me. That's a very pointed assumption. It’s also important to take care of yourself, too. Usually things can either be fixed on their own or get worse before they get better but it is usually as a result of lack of communication. Posted by just now. Perhaps one of those swinger types. It just depends on the strength and the person so he just needs to find what works for him. the problem (since the beginning, since even before him and i got together apparently) is that i think he has ED. Cheating is not justified. not ed related - my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me out of nowhere. I also want to tell you that I am very sorry that you have had to endure through all this for this long. he just shuts down. We then saw a sex therapist for one session, after which he didn’t want to go back. First off this can be fixed. My Boyfriend Is Depressed and Pushing Me Away. In Bed With Gigi Engle: I Think My Boyfriend Has Erectile Dysfunction. If he gets this mental loop in his head that he isn’t/can’t/won’t please you, then he will lose his erection. He now wants sex and keeps asking me when we’re going to have it. Is he a diabetic? him seeking treatment or allowing you to have a sex partner). As the LL in this relationship I am STILL the one working my ass off to make the relationship work. Instead of … That said. I try to avoid cuddling him or going near him. My (M25) boyfriend (M26) has put on almost 100 pounds since January 2020. This can be fixed in one of two ways. If so, is there anything he's suggesting/doing to help you feel satisfied? i feel like im in a heightened sense of sexual arousal constantly, and that the men around me notice. i am very much in love, and in a very serious co-habitating relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years now. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the DeadBedrooms community. If he won't explore treatment or options for it, and you guys want to stay together, you need to have a serious talk about opening the relationship. Add Opinion. I will grant that having your partner's permission does not count as cheating, but it doesn't sound like that's the case here. This is a really long one but I’ll try and keep it succinct. that can cause it at an early age in men. You haven’t been patient and understanding for three and a half years. When he did he couldn’t keep it. ED and my boyfriend. The vibe I got from how you described him is that he doesn't like getting help because he likes to keep things private and that alone should tell you that he even was willing to go out of his comfort when he did the one time for you. He even made me feel bad for asking for penetrative sex, as if it was something I shouldn’t want. You’re not married and you didn’t mention that you have a kid(s). The very first sign that your boyfriend has sexual performance anxiety is, well, pretty obvious. I just did whatever he was comfortable with in the bedroom and ignored the fact my needs weren't being met. I met my boyfriend at the beginning of 2017 and at first we had a great sex life - we were always physical with each other and it happened every time we were together. he doesn't seem willing or capable to try to have sex more than once a week, whereas i'm ready to go much more often. The resentment that built over his lack of respect for my time and my labor completely overpowered sexual attraction. But when we do have sex which is rare .. it’s not enough for me. He just doesnt. I often didn’t feel like engaging sexually with my girlfriends and I had started to experience ED all the time whenever I actually did (rarely). Quarantine has not been good on us, even though we’ve been together for … Later you will really regret that you didn't do it before . When you would get mad at him for his ED, it gives him the same feelings you felt when you said you felt ugly because he wouldn't spend time with him. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. You might be making out, then things get sexy, you get even more intimate, and then suddenly you realize that the sexy train is silently screeching to a halt and it gets mega awkward pretty fast. Clean living and cutting porn out of your life, as if it were some necessity, helps immensely. On what grounds do you base this on? Vote. I really don’t know what to do at this point. Mental health issues, porn addiction, closet homosexual, history of sexual abuse, etc. ok, so i feel at the end of my rope here. Ed April 12, 2020 at 1:25 am . Viagra and Cialis work differently so like when I was dumb and younger I tried them just to see what they actually felt like, Viagra didn't do a damn thing because I was able to do the same things as normal but that Cialis didn't go away for like 5 hours. You may not understand his emotional struggles, and you might even worry that you’re somehow to blame. My boyfriend was intimidated by my sexual history, so I dumped him Back to video When he got an answer that made me seem less than virginal, we fought. Reaching out a hand and giving him all the answers how. If he doesn’t want to really solve the problem then chalk it up to you two not being compatible and move on. Viagra and similar drugs have no effect on psychological problems. For now you are spending your time with him for nothing . ok, so i feel at the end of my rope here. i am very much in love, and in a very serious co-habitating relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years now. It's Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction and it's real even if not codified in the DSM or whatever. Jason Hoffman/Thrillist ‌ Welcome to In Bed with Gigi Engle, a … Do you have your own crazy experiences? i feel so lost. If that doesn't work and sex is important to you, might be time to break up. Published on 11/22/2016 at 12:01 AM. Make sure you choose a place where you and your partner will be most comfortable. There was a LOT of excited build up to our first sexual encounter (flirty texts, suggestive conversations, etc). New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationships community. Advice is always appreciated, just don't be surprised if we've heard it all. Hi all. tl;dr: i think my boyfriend may have ED, and i'm extremely tempted to cheat to take care of my sexual needs. If that's not an option, then you need to break up. This has never happened to me before in any relationship and I don’t think it’s normal. You hassled your boyfriend for penetrative sex, you made him feel bad about it, you were unaccepting of all the ways he showed he wanted to be sexual with you and now you’re surprised he’s not interested anymore? Cheat. at first i literally couldnt understand, but then i started trying to ask if he wanted to try to take a hormonal test or if he had seen a doctor about it. If not for you-his self esteem. My boyfriend has ED (erectile dysfunction), is it wrong to end it with him? he nurtures and takes care of me as his girlfriend in ways that no one else ever could, and we are very happy together - outside of these sexual problems. So LL. Just let me know if you would like to know more about the other and I will elaborate. -My Brain saying “It’s time to get funky” when I pace around a room-too scared to shower because I don’t want to see my body-stomach gases, burps, and farts go brrr-“do you want to have diarrhea or constipation” “yes”-Always feel like vomiting and keep puking a little randomly at times-sluggish-My heart:”I am speed” Think of it as porn becoming your SO. I used to masturbate more than once a day, but I feel like I’ve lost the urge too now. He always had a bit of a problem keeping his erection which meant we did more ‘other stuff’ than full on sex. If he’s 25 then he has some serious problems going on. What do you think of these stories? That's life. I would love to know more about your experiences if you want to talk via DM :). He refuses to do penetration because he "thinks" he knows that it will just result in him failing you and feeling inadequate and getting you upset so he feels its best not to even try. No, you break up with him if you want sex with other people. The combination of acclimating to being aroused by (maybe) a particular type of porn plus sapping his own sexual energy is the most likely culprit. I feel like he is rushing to get it “over with.” He’s never even touched me with his hand down there. Talk to him about your sexual drive and what can done (i.e. After that, I feel like I completely shut down. I spoke to him about this countless times but he never did anything about it. Every time we were physical, even though it was regular, it just ended up being the ‘other stuff’, not full sex. Press J to jump to the feed. It's a big hit to our ego if we can't perform and having it put right in front of us only serves to reinforce the negative feelings that being in this situation creates. Close. Edit: Chill out a bit on the next man. It’s a tough situation but not knowing I’m not alone in this is comforting. Have some respect. I noticed it maybe a year or two ago that he couldnt get an erection. If he can achieve an erection for just a minute then it's not ED, it's psychological. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. Yes I've been looking seriously into open relationships. i dont even remember driving home. when we have sex we have a good connection but, he often cannot get hard or loses it or cannot finish (most of the time actually) and even to maintain his erection he has to have sex exactly the same way. Do. I didn’t even want it I just wanted to make a point that I’m still trying. It’s an issue. My boyfriend is 16 he follows a lot of female wrestlers on Instagram I have an eating disorder and I’m very insecure about myself they’re skinny and … reddit: the front page of the internet If you’ve never been depressed, you might not know why your boyfriend is pushing you away. tl:dr Got tired of fighting with boyfriend over his ED and lost my sex drive out of frustration. This is something that is very difficult for most men to deal with. If you cheat, that is ENTIRELY on you, and not your boyfriend. every single time. Instead of cheating, have you discussed your sexual needs rather than asking what's wrong with him? i have tried talking about it with him since we got together. 1. Keith (and all of my friends) have reassured me that this is not the case. I'm quite used to people in my life commenting on my weight and diet, even before I suffered with disordered eating; people encourage me to gain … reddit: the front page of the internet I’ve tried to explain to him how I feel but he doesn’t seem to understand. First off example. The other option is going about it through practice patience and naturally. I want to be open and honest with you from a guys perspective while still completely and truly understanding your side on this. Now I no longer want him physically, I don’t even want to kiss him anymore. Next time, try telling your man that it is ok so the pressure is off him to perform for you, and I bet you will get a different result...meaning a lasting erection to have sex with. But just know you’re not alone. ED and my boyfriend . The lack of sex and the lack of interest is the same for you and your husband because of the arguments and the negativity. I was turned down for sex just three times this week. But the only awkward thing is we both know that it would be me getting my needs met; even if he wanted to elsewhere I'm not sure he could physically. Break up. I feel like the problems we’ve had in the bedroom have ruined sex for me. - Reddit user Napsaremyfavorite. this came out of nowhere and i feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest. i thought we would spend the rest of our lives together. at first he would get aggressively defensive about it, now it just seems after 4 years we've both accepted that this is what he's like sexually/physically. You deserve yours, too. Get a new vibrator/toy that is special to you and just for you to play with so there is no association to him. He’s even got a prescription for viagra but it doesn’t seem to work that well as he still loses his erection. I don’t even masturbate anymore. A support group for Redditors who are coping with a relationship that is seriously lacking in sexual intimacy. I’m such a sexual person. Here’s the thing about depression: it is no one’s fault.
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