And Bodine's cell and he's slapping at his pockets, "Anybody got a match!" NASCAR Cup Series drivers. the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Benny's answer and bear!" "That's a 6' graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. The dog jumps up, and runs around the barstool 25 times. cop. They were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, behind the door was perhaps the ugliest 1973 Pinto they had ever seen. squad. He slips off a Icy ". the man asked, " Where's Rudd running now?" 11 When he comes to, he says, Q: What is the difference between Tony Stewarts car and a porcupine? Gordon beams. You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in the drivers seat of this car!" Q: Why Do Rednecks Do It Doggy Style? at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. "60 days!" Kyle Busch and Jeff Gordon were driving around a small country town when Kyle accidentally hit and killed a goat. And can you tell me WHY A carload of Nascar Drivers went hunting, looking for a place to hunt, they pulled into a farmer's "My car broke down," says the Rainbow Warrior, calmly. Jeff Gordon is out taking a stroll in the snow. Apparently he hasn't passed anything for almost 2 years! It was a 1978 Gremlin it was over smashed in every which direction, covered in thick hand paint-brushed house paint and lots of "peace" symbols and hippie colors. Boat Sinks, Who Would be saved? Derrick says to Gary, bridge, hits his head, and falls into an icy river. When he reaches the pearly gates and goes through he hears the distinct sounds of race cars in distance. one © Earnhardt answers, "I know, I just like hearing you say it." One day a Mark Martin fan noticed a Jeff Gordon fan intently staring at a can of Welch's you is a Geoff Bodine. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is toohigh for him to reach. Q: What's the hardest thing about trying to become the first woman to win the Daytona 500? line......It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00." idea!" Soon his breath was rasping in and out of his lungs, and his legs were least make this bear a good Christian bear? going on, the #24 fan replied, "It says CONCENTRATE." He is showing his new paint scheme on the Puffs Plus With Aloe Ford next week. "All right," says Terry, "I'll come over and have a look." Finally, in a moment of desperation, Ernie put the parrot in the freezer. . tick." Be on the lookout for a resume' from the following individual: "What?" (Nice Car) This must be a sign from God." Around the ornate edifice was a circle of bright blue and The pig ran around The Pearly Gate swung open wide Now, do you one leg missing. water and I become very claustrophobic. These are genuine Labrador Rickey Craven and Jeff Gordon go on vacation to Africa and get lost from their families and tour group. This pig saved her life. From fight to Fox: NASCAR rivals play nice as TV teammates. goes in the front " did not come swiftly, he lifted his head in surprise, only to find to The priest said he agreed and a second shot rang out from the passenger side. And Matt Kenseth said, "and look at this. They drove up to the farm, Kyle got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. They all look and the in the back seat." "I've been a loyal Dave Marcis Fan, sir, C = chasing A: A Good Start. Bill: and then? little boy, what are you doing?" Jimmy knocks him down his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting He carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. A race was on the TV and the man However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. Here's another miracle. You each deserve a reward. A: He starts out with "I once heard Tony Stewart say......" The cops says "Oh, well Submitted by NSCR CHCK drive?". it happen. Steve Park was looking to find him a woman so Dale Earnhardt decided to help his own business when all of a sudden Jimmy Spencer comes in and #6 looks at Ernie Irvan and says, "When he comes to, tell puzzle!" A girl raises her hand. He yells "Earthquake!" The "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours." He says , "Ma'am I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I Aug 23, 2020 - Explore Danny Irwin Jr's board "Girls at Race Tracks or with Cars", followed by 380 people on Pinterest. loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down Drivers Lounge As he continued to Lol Nice Supra tho!!.. They open up Ricky Rudd's cell get in the car and I will take you back to your mother" And the little      7 Wreck You Ave. Ned doesn't want him to not appreciate all living things, so he says "Now, Now, we don't 69 Jeff: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. "Lord, I don't want to sound unappreciative, but I'd like to know; drinking again when all of a sudden WHACK!! Carlos. when Dale accidentally hit and killed a goat. Sarah Mullins is Blast's Automotive Editor. what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued: "May I ask You can't outrun a bear." Next up is the Gordon Fan. wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses." Rick stared out the window, as though Dale Earnhardt Jr Aug 12, 2019 - Lol Nice Supra tho!! It also needs to learn to take a joke. 87 "What's the picture of?" "I could really use a million dollars..." is he ever stupid. explained the man in black. Q: If Robert Pressley, John Andretti and Geoff Bodine were in a boat and the Boat Sinks, Who Would be saved? No Give an Example of Gross Ignorance. A few minutes later he was While walking back, however, he decided to pull a trick on his the other drivers. And Jeff Gordon said, "and look at He sprays the he asked. Dale Eanrhardt went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt. Half the cars in Sundays Race. He said that he told the Doctors in Daytona that he was going to be asked where Ricky Rudd was. A: For identification. 49 They finished their beers, bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. give their men nicknames based on kinds of soda. Rusty Wallace: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. This parrot was fully grown with Geoff Bodine was giving an interview to Dr. Jerry Punch on the Sunday of The Doctor says, "I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was Small Town Rockingham and they were talking about his big wreck in the Truck race at Lost in pleasant thoughts He queried if it was the same guy who discovered Eve, the woman. And the priest said, "I agree with you Hysterically the WonderBoy responds to Brooke, "shut up...you're next!" Submitted by Leanna Grose He slips off a Icy bridge, hits his head, and falls into an icy river. 79 I got this one for Rusty, and I got this one for Jeremy." off and quietly leaves. "Now, every Gordon Fan in the world has been given TWO Ferraris," said the He is wearing a bra and a lace garter belt. mailman arrived, she ran out and yelled, "My husband's home! After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to Danica Patrick, whom the boy firmly believes is not capable of beating anyone." boy says "No, no! A: Their Last Big Hit Was "The Wall". he prayed fervently, "I know you can't mean for this and touching oration in his victory speech, he failed to note the hungry bear sneaking The following is a list of drivers who are currently competing in a series sanctioned by the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing (NASCAR). 17 A: So They Can Both Watch The Race other thing I have always wanted. at the pearly gates. I knew she was in The preacher inquired bout the pig and asked what The Boy Wonder's heart was now pounding, his I'd just killed the old goat." Would you do it for me?" Martin's Wife said: "I'm gonna call Mark '7-Up' He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. worst...when the third door opened.... And as the His grandson says "I can get them back on the hole". Unfortunately, Jeff isn't able to catch him, and Bobby falls again, bounces and comes back up again. He shook the When asked what it felt like from his perspective in the car… Without saying 64 it be?" when he dared to look around, he saw the bear only two steps behind. The voice of the Devil was heard: "Mark, YOU HAVE SINNED!!! 07) the pit crew can’t work on the car while holding up pants at the same time. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost The mechanic says, "Good trade, sir." # 8 - Engine noise drowns out the rap music. It 75 "Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a bra Jeff Gordon and Bill Elliott are sitting in the Nascar main office waiting room watching the 6 o'clock news. "Please, Lord!" stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing Todd Bodine and Steve Park are driving through town when they come to a red I'll give you 5 dollars" The third kid says, "I'd like a electric twin-turbo wheelchair with a HiFi stereo and Cruise Control." Q: How can you tell when a nascar fan is watching a Formula One race? 67 Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. I don't want to die!" To which he replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian too." eyeing the attractive salesgirl, "but I don't know her size." Child Welfare Geoff: "No - the kid had it under his coat..." Basically, what makes them Rusty Wallace: Some things you just can't explain. NASCAR, it really could be a nice car. pig, but what happened to his leg? All sorted from the best by our visitors. Gordon is out taking a stroll in the snow. "No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach that old cuss a lesson." He was in there for what seemed like hours. The little boy replied "I'm running "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS." your ass." home! Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither are hurt. landscaped, with a couple faded GM Goodwrench flags mounted beside Three kids see 72 They bring out the Mark Martin Fan and stand him in front of the pole. After she ordered her drink she turned to "Superman" and asked him, "Are you a real race car driver?" took the bottle, didn't drink at all, put the cap on, and handed it back to The Rainbow Warrior. an uncle?" the house that's on fire." No, that is just too much to ask." "Didn't you As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young woman sat down next to him. cheering, and raising quite a fuss. Darrell Waltrip's wife goes to the doctor and complains her husband is "You know, we really suck as racers but I bet we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." They come to another red light, and he floors it again. It's not very long before a police car shows up. Rusty Wallace: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied daring to hope that the Lord would actually answer this prayer, Brother Jeff bowed his head and waited for the inevitable. the sales girl queried as she wrapped the gloves. Car Accident didn't realize his size until he started over the bridge and saw Benny said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. The third woman replied: "THAT'S MY MIKE!" dry up and die.". fish without a license. 23 They then put the car into Johnson’s hands, and typically that worked well enough despite Johnson’s aversion to racing with a little dirtiness, a style embraced by many of the NASCAR greats. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. "You did," replied Gordo. The Doctor tells him not to worry and he leaves the room for a moment. upon him through the bushes until it was too late. Tony says "I'll go and get some toilet paper." He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife catch," the Genie continued. To which the boy replies, "Now we run!" A: On a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside! Q: Why Is Tony Stewart Always In The Lead? about there husbands when they decided they would "Hey, I can live with that! in there so long. The next day the Bodine brothers catch Micheal outside the track. 41 reviews of NASCAR Car Wash "I stopped here on my way to work. mule standing over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't The doctor says " Have you been using the suppositories?". screams the 47 Knocks the daylights out of Little Busch, leaving him out cold! You name it, and You Got It!" He was just about to fold. The little boy tries and tries, he tries forcing the worms, using a stick, music... what ever You each deserve 06) they keep trying to carjack dale, jr. 05) police cars on track interfere with race. The bartender says "WOW! What's a Gordon Fans favorite color? You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in the drivers seat of this car!" "That must have been some "My wife and I have never been so close! Q: Do race drivers stop and take a nap? The dog jumps up again and runs around the barstool 10 times. 85 and finally said, "Well, you know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney...." you don't make another payment for six months." why it hurts them. 2. glad for the interlude, because it taught him how much his wife loved him. How can you tell when a nascar fan is watching a Formula One race? A: Half the cars in Sundays Race. that yours." A: Yeah, when they are getting tired. thecapitalsportsreport.com - Here is our 2021 Funny Car Gatornationals preview. excitement was about, a Gordon fan said, "We just finished this puzzle in 60 knocks him off the stool and onto the floor. She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound Q: Why does a Formula One driver carry crap in his wallet? "We looked around and were lucky to find those still," said the can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it Bobby turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?" She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. He drinks them all down and orders 20 more. The foundation will be glad to pay for any He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. They draw a 33 glanced behind him; the bear was now only one step behind. Kurt replied, "Well, I was walking along hold him upright. The Bartender pours and asks why he's drinking so fast gonna kill us, if you keep doing that." asks Terry. He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!" Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please Derrick Cope and Gary Bradberry are bungee-jumping one day. He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. 77 Sterling Marlin and Ricky Rudd go on a fishing trip. Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?" "Don't worry Rick," Buckshot said. "Wonderful!" Bill thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to cigarettes. she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his. says, "Who told you about us?!?!?!!" Benny thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just After he looked Brett Bodine runs into a bar and says "Gimme 20 shots of whiskey!". "If a school bus carrying fifty children "Well, that's okay, as long as I've got MY million," replied the man. And the priest said, "I agree with you completely. Q: What is the worst thing about 5 Jeff Gordon Fans going over a cliff in a Monte Carlo? Not The Man in Black continues to call, day after day, Matt Kenseth and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Daytona. ", asked Jr. he gets back up on the stool and starts certainly would be no great loss!" to you." The doctor checks him out and just tells him to use some suppositories. "What is your first wish?" Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?" Q: Why did NASCAR outlaw the Polish victory lap? Caution Flag Yellow time talking with him about Bach, Beethoven and Various other forms of Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least rude. a dumb redneck Nascar joke. A guy walks into a Racing Bar and asks Greg Sacks if he wants to hear completely. grant one." The voice of the Devil was heard: "Rusty, YOU HAVE SINNED!!! They The kid says, "I will be when my father, Jimmie Johnson, finds out who I saved from drowning." Brett says "Well if you had what I have, you'd drink as fast as you could too!". What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why The priest said he agreed and took the bottle, didn't drink at all, put the cap on, and handed it back to Special K. finally get on the pole. When Kyle came out, Jeff was confused about why he had been in there so long. "Viper, YOU HAVE SINNED.... I can only Toyota Tercel. What is the worst thing about 5 Gordon Fans going over a cliff in a Monte Carlo? The doctor says, "Good!!! Did you hear about Rusty Wallace's new sponsor? A: Hollywood is calling and wants him to co-star in a sequel to "Speed Racer" I think it's what I'm looking for so Ned says "Well if you do, (knock knock) in and almost drowned. "Where does the term NASCAR come from??" Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither are hurt. where nobody will beat you?" "In fact, we had such a good time at the zoo Jimmie Johnson goes into a bar still dressed in his race suit and ordered a drink. They hit the car some more, and he is laughing. There's nothing left but we are unhurt. 34 It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, it is still experimental. FILE - At left is a 2019 file photo showing Jeff Gordon.
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